jack_routers
My morning BM was soft and green! Macon, Missouri, do I need more fiber?

UnReality
"Are there any words in the English language more beautiful than 'Craftmatic Adjustable Bed'? Biloxi, Miss, stop me before I kill again."

GersonK
"Why doesn't George Harrison return my calls anymore? Kampala - would you love me if I was still 64?"

ArchHallJr
"Life-extending elixir derived from the pancreases of 15-week-old fetuses - stem cell research you haven't heard of yet but I have! Fort Pencil Shavings, Utah - what's so funny about peace, love and understanding?"

McFrenzy
Stop boohooing, Larry King never takes my calls either.

McFrenzy
I knew Larry King when he was bouncing checks and getting arrested.

ArchHallJr
"Entrenched in a position of fear, the ignorant tend to follow a well-dressed man on a path to the very mouth of hell. No doubt, asking for a snack and soft drink along the way. Hello, Sister Disco, New Hampshire!"

ROBOTCROWT
And, folks, I'm here to announce to you now that the doctors have told me that if I have more heart surgery, it will prolong my life. Prolong my life? I don't leave fingerprints NOW.

GlitterRock
"In his house at R'lyeh, dead Cthulhu waits dreaming. And on Thursday's show, Tim Robbins. On the line, Electric Boogaloo ND: oh your time has come; and you know that you're the only one to say -- O.K."

ArchHallJr
"There was a time when they sold ginger beer. It tasted better than ale and gave one a fuller feeling in the belly whilst fasting. And yet no one sells it any more. Fuckers. Plain Old, Texas - fart proudly!"

jack_routers
Windex, Southern Comfort, Nyquil. Your ticket to a great evening. Douglas, Wyoming, give me a snootful!

GlitterRock
"Anthony Geary is one of our nation's finest actors and the fact that he hasn't received an Oscar is my greatest regret in life. Rate My Rack, West Virginia - come with me if you want to live!"

jack_routers
"The bitch is hungry, she needs to tell, so give her inches and feed her well! French Lick, how hard do you want to rock me?"

ArchHallJr
"'Glistening nipples in the rays of the sun. I approached them with minor trepidation as the excitement built inside. A life or death explosion was imminent.' That Paul Harvey could write. What say you Split, Croatia?"

jack_routers
"Art Carney, great actor or the greatest actor? Al P. from Manhattan, you're on the air!"

Jazzsoda
"Penis vs Vagina: which is better and why can't we have both? Fuck, marry, kill: Howard Stern, Don Imus, and yours truly. Be kind, America! Fucksuckle, Oregon, hold the line I've got to take a shit."

ArchHallJr
"There's never a reason to watch your dog burn to death. Unless you get turned on by the smell of burning fur and burst entrails. In that case, enjoy the circle of life. Spread me on your teeth and gums, Colgate NY!"

GersonK
"Kill, rob, kiss - Gene Rayburn, Dick Cheney and Tom Cruise? Ottawa, don't pay the Larry til I get you to the other side."